Attachment.

This is probably going to be a sad and depressing blog post, so if you don't feel like being sad and depressed, don't read on.  Although I wish you would...

I'm so fucking sick and tired of being hurt and alone.  Of feeling constantly hurt and alone.  I get told my feelings get hurt too easily...  Well, if you know how easily my feelings get hurt, then try that much harder not to hurt them.  I would never do anything that causes you pain, and if you know how sensitive I am, why would you say and do things that you know will hurt me?  First off, I'm a fucking girl.  Second off, I'm my mother's daughter.  And my mother is her mother's daughter.  And so on and so forth.  And we come from a long time of sensitive sucks.  So what?  It's not necessarily bad. 

I'm tired of always feeling alone when I am with someone else.  I'm always around people, and yet, the only person I feel CONNECTED to, is my son.  No matter who else I'm with, I feel alone.  And maybe I do it to myself.  My insecurities always seem to get the best of me.  I'm always afraid people don't want to hear what I have to say. 

And, lately, I tend to get attached to people way to easily.  And, with that, I push them away.  Or risk getting hurt.  I'm so tired of hurting.  Everyone deserves happiness.  And I am included in that everyone.  I just wonder when it will be my turn to be happy?  When does it happen for me? 

So, if I'm pushing you away, I'm sorry.  It means that I care too much about you to risk YOU hurting ME.  I'm sick of being the one who's hurt.  I truly apologize if I am causing you and pain...  I don't want to cause pain...  But I'm sick of feeling the pain.  And I don't know what else to do :(