I hate Canada Day.

It's a tough day for me. It brings back all these memories, ya know? When I was with my ex, it was family tradition. Always on the Canada Day weekend, we'd go to the lake. The whole family. We'd boat and fish, find a beach to relax. Have a fire and drinks. It wasn't a lot, but it was. It was one of the only times of the year that we were all guaranteed to be together.

I'm feeling extra alone this year. I have no friends. Well, that's a lie. I do have friends, a very few select people. I don't have a large crowd, and I'm happy keeping it that way. But here I sit, on my couch, all alone. On Canada Day. The day I hate most in the world.

Don't get me wrong! I am very proud to be Canadian. I love me some poutine and caesars! I just hate this day.

I don't want to rely on someone else for my happiness. I won't rely on someone else for it! My happiness can only be made by me.

I just don't understand why j allow other people to define my sadness then. Take, for example, this guy that I'm dating. I think. He was/is my boyfriend. Now I'm not so sure. I opened up to him, just a bit. And now he's just not speaking to me.

We were supposed to hang out. And for the fourth time in our very short relationship, he has bailed on me. so I told him, I'm upset. That's not cool.

Know what I got?

Radio silence. For 24 hours.

I guess feelings aren't okay. I guess being hurt isn't okay. I guess feeling sad isn't okay. Feeling like you're "less important than" is not okay.

It's just not fair.

Life isn't fair.

I know I sound like a whiny baby, and maybe I am. But it's just not fair.