Today is a bad day.

Today, I am having a bad day.

Fuck, I'm having a crappy week.

I'm going through this "woe is me" phase.  Feel sorry for me, because I feel sorry for me!  Feel sorry for me, because my life sucks.  Feel sorry for me, just feel sorry for me!

I feel so sorry for myself every single day.  I wake up feeling sorry for myself.  I come to work, and I feel sorry for myself.  I go to bed feeling sorry for myself.  I don't want to anymore.  I just don't!

Today, I got pulled into a meeting with the boss duo.  Regarding my attendance at work, among other things.  Boss Lady started with positive things, telling me how good I am doing, how our office has never been this organized or run this well.  How she sees real potential in me.  However, my reputation is starting to ruin that potential.

Apparently, I have a reputation.  And not a good one.  I miss work too much.  I visit too much.  So, I've been sick a total of 7.3 days since July.  I hate making excuses for myself almost as much as I hate feeling sorry for myself, but I suffer from depression and anxiety.  Some mornings, I can't even get out of bed.  For me to only have missed 7.3 days since July, I think that's pretty damn good.  AND three of those days were an actually physical ailment, not just mental.  SO, 4.3 days were missed due to depression and anxiety - NOT BAD AT ALL.  At least in my opinion.

I ended up having a panic attack during this meeting.  It was not good.  I ended up saying things I shouldn't say.  I mean, whatever, they're my feelings, and I deserve to feel my feelings.  But I guess I need to check myself before I wreck myself, right?

Anyway, so I'm feeling good now.  On the Ativan, keeping me together.  Thank god for drugs.