The Cycle

And so it has begun again...

First of all, let me start by apologizing in advance to all those whom I love and who love me. The cycle... it's begun again.

My anxiety is back in full swing. And I really don't know what to do about it. It's like... the only thing that makes me feel "normal" is when I am with people. But then my anxiety forces me to stay inside. I don't want to leave. I don't want anyone to come over. I just want no one and nothing. And everything and everyone at the same time.

I'm pushing people away because I fear that they are all sick of hearing about it, and that they are going to leave me anyway. So, before they get a chance to leave me, I'll leave them. Because that's completely normal, right?

I haven't spoken to my boyfriend in over 24 hours. That's weird for me. I can't even go an hour without him! But I'm going through this... this "he's gonna leave me" phase. So, I'm pushing him away.

And it hurts! It hurts me! So why do I do it? Why can't I stop it?

It's the fucking cycle... I just want to be normal.