Say NO to bullying.

I hope I can be the kind of mother who raises neither a bully nor a wimp.  That is my wish.  I hope my child grows to be loving and supportive and accepting of everyone, regardless of sexual preference, body type, skin color, and what have you.  I hope he is the kind of child who joins an "anti-bullying" group.  I hope he grows up to be the kind of person that I wish everyone were.  A person who stands up against all hatred.  His dad is, unfortunately, homophobic, which I have just recently found out.  I have a few friends who are openly gay, so it really bothers me.  But I have asked him to keep it to himself.  I wish he weren't homophobic, I wish I could change him.  But I can't.  He has to want to change himself.


I am a victim of chronic high school bullying.  Mostly because I allowed it and never did anything about it.  Everyone told me, "It's because he likes you".  But I never believed that.  He caused me daily torment.  I purposely avoided him if at all possible.  I had a pimple on my neck when I was a teenager, and was trying to hide it, because I was embarrassed of it.  He made sure to point it out to the entire class (he sat directly behind me in French class).  We would be in Phys. Ed, and we would be doing backward running things, and he would be making beeping sounds.  I remember flipping out on him once.  I had Itchiban noodles, an apple, and some sort of treat for lunch.  He was eating with my group of friends (he was really good friend with one of my really good friends, and I might add that she never stood up for me).  He started criticizing me, for some reason or another.  I completely flipped out, and whipped my lunch at him, and ran to find the vice-principal to tell him that this had been going on for quite some time.  He did NOTHING.  Well, he said, "If it happens again, come find me."  Of course, it happened again, and I did nothing, because the first time I went to a teacher, nothing happened.  I found a website, Public Safety, it's on the Government of Canada website.  There is a lot of information on there about bullying in schools.  I mean, bullying obviously goes further than in schools, it goes into adulthood, into our careers, it follows us everywhere.  BUT if we can COMBAT it in the schools, eventually we can stop bullying all together!  Wouldn't that be great?  Here's some statistics:

How many youth are involved in bullying others?

Boys

• 42% of boys in grades 6 to 8 reported that they had bullied in the past two months.
• 41% of boys in grades 9 to 12 reported that they had bullied in the past two months.
• 19% of boys between the ages of 11 and 18 were involved in frequent and consistent bullying.

Girls

• 23% of girls in grades 6 to 8 reported that they had bullied in the past two months.
• 21% of girls in grades 9 to 12 reported that they had bullied in the past two months.
• 4% of girls between the ages of 11 and 18 were involved in frequent and consistent bullying.

How many teens are bullied?

Boys

• 10 to 13% of boys in grades 6 to 10 reported being bullied once or twice per month or more, with most bullying occurring in grade 10.

Girls

• 4 to 11% of girls in grades 6 to 10 reported being bullied once or twice per month or more, with most bullying occurring in grade 8.

Ethnoculturally-based bullying

• 8 to 19% of middle school students reported being bullied because of their ethnicity.
• 21% of high school students from minority groups reported being bullied because of their ethnicity.

How many teens witness bullying?

Not all youth are directly involved in bullying incidents, but many get involved in other ways – some watch, some encourage the bullying and some try to stop it.

• 85% of bullying incidents are witnessed by others.
• Peers try to stop the bullying in 11 to 19% of incidents. Someone stepping in can help even out the power imbalances.

Crazy, hey?  Who knew the statistics where so...  Real?  

What can we do as adults to help the teenagers who are being bullied?  Well, here are some tips:

If you are a parent or guardian

• Listen and respond to all complaints from your teen about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling.
• Talk to the adults who were in charge when the bullying occurred to find ways to remedy the hurt and prevent future problems.
• Stop bullying behaviour that happens at home. Consistency matters!
• Consider how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how youth relate to each other.

If you are an adult responsible for young people (e.g. a teacher or coach)

• Listen and respond to all complaints from youth and parents about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling. Consistency matters!
• Be aware of the social interactions among the youth in the group. Arrange groupings to separate youth who tend to have negative interactions with others.
• Place youth who tend to be left out of groups into one where they will be accepted. Try to avoid situations that will victimize at-risk youth (e.g. picking teams or group partners).
• Consider how you treat others and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how youth relate to each other.

If you are a leader of an organization responsible for young people (e.g. a school principal or manager of a sports team or other youth program)

• Listen and respond to all complaints from youth, parents or adults responsible for youth about bullying, even the seemingly trivial ones such as name-calling. Consistency matters!
• Support the adults who work directly with teens in their constructive approaches to end bullying such as separating disruptive teens, increasing supervision in bullying hotspots and placing vulnerable youth in positive groups.
• Create an effective anti-bullying policy in your organization that clearly sets the limits on acceptable behaviour. Include meaningful consequences in the policy to help teach the aggressive youth healthier ways of interacting.
• Allow time for the policy to be reviewed and agreed upon by everyone (including teens).
• Ensure the policy is consistently and universally applied by all involved.
• Consider how you treat others in the organization and how you allow others to treat you. As a role model, your actions and reactions can influence how youth relate to each other.

There is far more information on that website that I gave earlier.  Check it out.  Or Google "How to Stop Bullying".  If we all do one thing, we can make a difference!